Failure sucks. Over a week ago, I wrote a little post about how I was going to quit drinking soda cold turkey. I failed big time. I also said I was going to post every day about my "progress"....again FAIL. I have failed at a lot of things in my life. I failed two classes last semester. I failed at life for a while. This is different, this is a lack of willpower. People tell me that I don't really want these things, that if I wanted them they would happen.
That is very true. I love soda, but it's terrible for me. I love to eat my weight worth of food, but it will kill me someday. I love to sleep instead of going to class, but I will fail said classes. I realize these things but I can't make the pros of quitting these things outweigh the cons.
I'm gonna take a turn here, because I just realized I am blogging about my love of being a glutton. I love to do these things but I sacrifice a lot for them. Self-esteem and confidence. Self-loathings is an art that I am very skilled in. I literally hate the way I look, and I know I am not helpless to change it. I just don't have the willpower and drive to make better choices in my live. I can't even complete an easy task list that I wrote months ago.
It sucks when you look at your life and can only see negative. I have done some positive things, but I think I can only attribute those successes to other people in my life. People who pushed me when I had all but given up. People who forced me to be successful. I always say I need motivation, and that has never rang more true. I just hope I can find it, before it's too late.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
07/19/2012: My Personal Challenge
Hello all,
So remember that post about soda? I am going to take a drastic challenge, and it is going to be awful. I am going to try to quit drinking soda cold turkey. I know, sounds crazy right? I just feel like this is the only way it's going to work. I have tried everything else with no success. I feel like a failure. It can't be this hard, can it?
I've thought about it for a long time. I put on the list that I want to get down to one soda a day. Well I don't think that is going to work. Cold turkey is not the way to go and I know that, but I have to try. I feel like this is a trial, and if I can just get past it I can prove myself. I don't know who I am trying to prove myself to, maybe me? Is that a thing? Oh well, it is now.
So I am going to post daily about the rest of my list. I figure this kills two birds with one stone. I am going to be blowing up your feeds with blog post so (in the words of scar) be prepared.
So remember that post about soda? I am going to take a drastic challenge, and it is going to be awful. I am going to try to quit drinking soda cold turkey. I know, sounds crazy right? I just feel like this is the only way it's going to work. I have tried everything else with no success. I feel like a failure. It can't be this hard, can it?
I've thought about it for a long time. I put on the list that I want to get down to one soda a day. Well I don't think that is going to work. Cold turkey is not the way to go and I know that, but I have to try. I feel like this is a trial, and if I can just get past it I can prove myself. I don't know who I am trying to prove myself to, maybe me? Is that a thing? Oh well, it is now.
So I am going to post daily about the rest of my list. I figure this kills two birds with one stone. I am going to be blowing up your feeds with blog post so (in the words of scar) be prepared.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Millennials...The scourge of the world
Rant Time. So, I have been reading up on the term millennial. I didn't know a name that defines a whole generation could have such a negative connotation. The me generation...come on, really? Let's not forget that we are all self-indulgent and narcissistic. Bluh. The fact that we have nostalgia for the past, that's downright tragic. Jobless, peter pan wannabes with no motivation to seek a life of our own. These are the things I have been reading about my generation. Our generation. Sickening.
I mean...I could do some self reflection and realize that I write a blog almost everyday about nothing. I think that I have valuable things to say, that doesn't make me narcissistic...does it? Everyone likes to talk about themselves, share their stories, make their lives known. After all, everyone is the main character in their own life, right?
Every college kid worth their salt has a tirade about the awesomeness of 90's nickelodeon at their fingertips, but since when is nostalgia a problem? If people in their 80's can do it, why can't we? Is it so sad to yearn for the feelings of time gone by?
Just because we grew up in an age of instant gratification, doesn't make us self-indulgent...does it? So what if I want things instantaneously, that doesn't make me a bad person. I don't want to live at home forever, but what if that's not optional? A shoddy job market does not make for a very reliable lifestyle.
This rant flickered out quickly. It's hard to look in the mirror and realize that you aren't what you think you are. The truth hurts I suppose. It's easy to place the blame on others and that's what most of us do. Is it really our fault that we were raised to appreciate praise? Everyone wants to have value, be appreciated, feel accomplished. The world doesn't always work that way though. One thing is certain, the term millennial (however valid it may be) makes me feel crappy. Which apparently reinforces that I am in fact a millennial. UGH.
I mean...I could do some self reflection and realize that I write a blog almost everyday about nothing. I think that I have valuable things to say, that doesn't make me narcissistic...does it? Everyone likes to talk about themselves, share their stories, make their lives known. After all, everyone is the main character in their own life, right?
Every college kid worth their salt has a tirade about the awesomeness of 90's nickelodeon at their fingertips, but since when is nostalgia a problem? If people in their 80's can do it, why can't we? Is it so sad to yearn for the feelings of time gone by?
Just because we grew up in an age of instant gratification, doesn't make us self-indulgent...does it? So what if I want things instantaneously, that doesn't make me a bad person. I don't want to live at home forever, but what if that's not optional? A shoddy job market does not make for a very reliable lifestyle.
This rant flickered out quickly. It's hard to look in the mirror and realize that you aren't what you think you are. The truth hurts I suppose. It's easy to place the blame on others and that's what most of us do. Is it really our fault that we were raised to appreciate praise? Everyone wants to have value, be appreciated, feel accomplished. The world doesn't always work that way though. One thing is certain, the term millennial (however valid it may be) makes me feel crappy. Which apparently reinforces that I am in fact a millennial. UGH.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Soda
Ok, so I gotta be honest here. Soda sucks. On the one hand, it's freakin delicious and makes all of my food taste better. On the other hand, it's turning me into a morbidly obese doughball. I mean I can't blame soda alone, but lets be real. I drink roughly 6-8 cans of soda a day, a day! That's just plain unhealthy, and is causing my body mucho amounts of harmo. Let's look at the numbers for a sec.
One can of coke has 140 calories. Some simple math tells me that I am consuming upwards of 1100 calories a day in soda alone. That's not even counting the sugar, and caffeine. I am literally drowning myself in carbonated beverages.
The worst thing, I mean the worst thing...is that I can't control myself. That sucks. I wish I had the willpower to stop but I don't. I am like an addict. I'm obviously addicted to caffeine, but I feel like a real addict. Soda is my crack, my heroin, my coke (drug puns, oh society). I've tried to stop and failed miserably.
The reason I am blogging about this is not for attention. This isn't the plight of the fat soda addict. I just haven't addressed it before. I have always known soda was a problem area, but I just wanna let my limited readership know my opinion on myself and my choices.
Bottom Line: I hate soda, and love soda. That's all.
One can of coke has 140 calories. Some simple math tells me that I am consuming upwards of 1100 calories a day in soda alone. That's not even counting the sugar, and caffeine. I am literally drowning myself in carbonated beverages.
The worst thing, I mean the worst thing...is that I can't control myself. That sucks. I wish I had the willpower to stop but I don't. I am like an addict. I'm obviously addicted to caffeine, but I feel like a real addict. Soda is my crack, my heroin, my coke (drug puns, oh society). I've tried to stop and failed miserably.
The reason I am blogging about this is not for attention. This isn't the plight of the fat soda addict. I just haven't addressed it before. I have always known soda was a problem area, but I just wanna let my limited readership know my opinion on myself and my choices.
Bottom Line: I hate soda, and love soda. That's all.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Night
I'm trying to blog daily for a week so this might not be very interesting.
some people may wonder why I only make blog post really late at night. It's weird because I am definitely up earlier in the day. I typically get up at noon and go to bed around 6 a.m. Yeah I don't sleep much. Don't get me wrong, I love to sleep but I am trying not to waste my entire summer. This post might have no direction...sorry.
Anyway back to the pointless, I post at night. Nothing is greater to me than a quite house and that happens at night. Well it used to. Most of my family and friends are now on my sleep schedule which makes things harder. For some reason I find blogging relaxing. I love chillin in the dining room writing long tomes about my melodramatic life and my thoughts on nothing. I forgot how much I love to write, and that makes me sad. It's like I had to find something that was missing. I could be creative...maybe, and I could be good, but I'm content just writing.
The bottom line is I like to write, and hopefully some of you like to read my stuff. I may not be able to spell very well (here's lookin at you spellcheck) and I may have very poor grammatical skills, but this is going to be a part of my life and I want to share it with the world (well mostly with my facebook peeps). I hope you guys enjoy this blog as much as I do because it's for me and you. If not, sorry bout cha..
some people may wonder why I only make blog post really late at night. It's weird because I am definitely up earlier in the day. I typically get up at noon and go to bed around 6 a.m. Yeah I don't sleep much. Don't get me wrong, I love to sleep but I am trying not to waste my entire summer. This post might have no direction...sorry.
Anyway back to the pointless, I post at night. Nothing is greater to me than a quite house and that happens at night. Well it used to. Most of my family and friends are now on my sleep schedule which makes things harder. For some reason I find blogging relaxing. I love chillin in the dining room writing long tomes about my melodramatic life and my thoughts on nothing. I forgot how much I love to write, and that makes me sad. It's like I had to find something that was missing. I could be creative...maybe, and I could be good, but I'm content just writing.
The bottom line is I like to write, and hopefully some of you like to read my stuff. I may not be able to spell very well (here's lookin at you spellcheck) and I may have very poor grammatical skills, but this is going to be a part of my life and I want to share it with the world (well mostly with my facebook peeps). I hope you guys enjoy this blog as much as I do because it's for me and you. If not, sorry bout cha..
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Friends, Family and the Mad Dash
Hey everyone I have literally no update on my list of things. Sorry about that as you all know, I suck at these things. I should really blog more. I love to do it, but I just stink at commitment. It's a flaw that I would love to talk more about but I'll save that for a later post. Now on to the juicy stuff (well not really juicy, sorry I try to make it sound interesting).
This post is going to be about the end of my oh-so-fantastic summer. Can you feel the sarcasm yet? I mean this summer hasn't been terrible. It has actually been quite the opposite. What I mean to say is that I am actually enjoying being here. I am actually happy to be home and I haven't felt that way in a really long time. It's kind of sad really because my life at home is usually a countdown until I go back to school in the fall. This is where the Mad Dash part of my post comes into play. I usually sit here sad and depressed, waiting on my chance to return to my magical escape. This summer however, has been different. School is approaching very rapidly and I still have a lot to do. It's kind of scary. I need to get my act together and get started, but I am not used to feeling that way during the summer. It's kind of daunting.
Now on to the Family part of the post. Some could misconstrue this post as me bashing my family (a.k.a my aunt). This is not what I am saying, I love my family. Previously at home I have felt like there is nothing there for me. I didn't feel like I was important there. At school I am involved, I have a lot of friends and I feel like I accomplish things. At home I felt like a piece of furniture...a lamp...or a really big chair. Now I feel like I matter. People actually listen to me and value my opinion. People actually want my company. I have hung out with my cousin Tyler more this summer than ever before. My other cousin Michael has always valued my company, but we hang out a lot too. I just feel comfortable with my family, I feel more connected, I feel like I belong there. It's weird, I know because I have always belonged there. I can just tell now. It feels more real.
Friends. This is the thing that is really different about this summer. I actually have friends in Seymour, which is weird. I should have friends here, I mean I have lived here all of my life. I don't...or didn't. I have a terrible track record with my homies. One day I'm chattin' about life and living the dream, then the next thing I know it's three months later and they could be dead for all I know. I really need to be better at KIT, but I fail HARD. Anyway, back to the point, I now have friends here. Technically they are my cousin's friends but they all seem to like me. I would hang out with most of them, and do on a pretty regular basis. Some of Tyler's friends I have known for years and are like family. Michael's girlfriend Bri is the person who I have grown the closest to. She is great and we chat about a lot of random crap. It's weird because she is my cousin's girlfriend so my family sometimes gets the wrong idea, but she is my homie. Michael says we are dull because like to just sit and chit chat, but that's what we do. I feel weird mooching off of both of my cousin's people but I'm always here. Of course they are going to talk to me.
This is an extremely long post and probably should have been broken up, but this is a personal blog and I like to get personal. Maybe the next one will be shorter. I just like to write, and hopefully somebody likes to read what I have to say. Oh well, until next time.
This post is going to be about the end of my oh-so-fantastic summer. Can you feel the sarcasm yet? I mean this summer hasn't been terrible. It has actually been quite the opposite. What I mean to say is that I am actually enjoying being here. I am actually happy to be home and I haven't felt that way in a really long time. It's kind of sad really because my life at home is usually a countdown until I go back to school in the fall. This is where the Mad Dash part of my post comes into play. I usually sit here sad and depressed, waiting on my chance to return to my magical escape. This summer however, has been different. School is approaching very rapidly and I still have a lot to do. It's kind of scary. I need to get my act together and get started, but I am not used to feeling that way during the summer. It's kind of daunting.
Now on to the Family part of the post. Some could misconstrue this post as me bashing my family (a.k.a my aunt). This is not what I am saying, I love my family. Previously at home I have felt like there is nothing there for me. I didn't feel like I was important there. At school I am involved, I have a lot of friends and I feel like I accomplish things. At home I felt like a piece of furniture...a lamp...or a really big chair. Now I feel like I matter. People actually listen to me and value my opinion. People actually want my company. I have hung out with my cousin Tyler more this summer than ever before. My other cousin Michael has always valued my company, but we hang out a lot too. I just feel comfortable with my family, I feel more connected, I feel like I belong there. It's weird, I know because I have always belonged there. I can just tell now. It feels more real.
Friends. This is the thing that is really different about this summer. I actually have friends in Seymour, which is weird. I should have friends here, I mean I have lived here all of my life. I don't...or didn't. I have a terrible track record with my homies. One day I'm chattin' about life and living the dream, then the next thing I know it's three months later and they could be dead for all I know. I really need to be better at KIT, but I fail HARD. Anyway, back to the point, I now have friends here. Technically they are my cousin's friends but they all seem to like me. I would hang out with most of them, and do on a pretty regular basis. Some of Tyler's friends I have known for years and are like family. Michael's girlfriend Bri is the person who I have grown the closest to. She is great and we chat about a lot of random crap. It's weird because she is my cousin's girlfriend so my family sometimes gets the wrong idea, but she is my homie. Michael says we are dull because like to just sit and chit chat, but that's what we do. I feel weird mooching off of both of my cousin's people but I'm always here. Of course they are going to talk to me.
This is an extremely long post and probably should have been broken up, but this is a personal blog and I like to get personal. Maybe the next one will be shorter. I just like to write, and hopefully somebody likes to read what I have to say. Oh well, until next time.
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