It has been a little over a year since I started this blog. I have to be honest and say that I had no idea what I was doing at first. I was bored, lonely, sad and felt that my summer and my life was just passing by. That's the problem with summers, they are speedy. Actually, that's the problem with life. It rushes past without warning and then you're 23 and on the fast track to who-knows-where.
I always wanted a place to document what I was feeling and I always felt like I had something important to say. What most people don't know is that my head is a jumbled mess. I don't think I am unique in that aspect, everybody has their problems. It gets pretty crazy in there sometimes. I spend a lot of time inside my head and sometimes it feels like too much. That was the real purpose behind the blog, to put all of the stuff that runs through my head out there. This was an outlet for people to see the real me, and I think I accomplished that.
In December this blog helped me with one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The decision to reveal my true self to people was hastily made. The way I wanted to do it was not. I was stumbling through the internet and I found a (I guess you could call it life changing) post. A guy had came out on Facebook and linked to his personal blog to prove he wasn't hacked. It was in that moment that I decided if I ever came out I would use a personal blog to do it.
It seemed like the perfect solution. I could explain myself to everyone at once! It allowed me to tell people without experiencing their immediate reactions. It made it easier. To some my blog post was a thing of bravery but to me it was written out of cowardice. Would I do it differently if I had the chance? No. The result was more support than I could have ever imagined and I think my life is better because of it.
My blog is extremely personal...obviously. I put things there that I would never say out loud. I wrote a letter to my sister that has no business being on the internet. I put it there because it was in my head and I needed to get it out. I have put my thoughts on love, my fears, my dreams, my goals, I have put everything on my blog. I don't know the point of this post, and it has no particular meaning. I just feel like a year is a long time to consistently update something. Anyone who knows me personally knows I have a hard time with commitment. I'm kind of proud that my desire to write is still here.
