Hey Guys,
This blog is going to be a stream of consciousness type thing. I haven't really blogged in a while and I just need to write. I'm at the desk and I am going to write what I think, write what I feel.
I'm not stressed. I should be but I'm not. Things aren't perfect right now, but they are good. People get mad at me, which is...new? People got mad at me before, but now they get really mad at me. I offend people pretty regularly. I don't think I have changed. I don't know if other people have changed. Everything seems exactly the same, but somehow completely different. Don't get me wrong, I love my people. I wouldn't trade them. It's just...sometimes I miss people who are in the same room as me, which is weird.
The new people in my life are pretty great. It hasn't been like this in a long time. I somehow managed to keep my old friends and met a whole bunch of new people. I have learned from past experiences that friend groups like this don't last, but I'm holding out. I don't know why we chose to meet in a random lounge and call it round table. I don't know why it stuck. I definitely don't know if it will last. What I do know is that it's what I needed, and I think other people needed it too. That's got to mean something right?
I have a lot of stressful situations coming up in life. I could let it scare me, could let it make me nervous, could let it wreck me...but I won't. There's too much promise in life to get that wound up about things. I don't want to sound cheesy, but I'm trying to live in the moment. I don't want to care about the trivial things, I just want to be happy. I am happy, and I am going to do everything in my power to keep it that way. Yolo, C'est la vie, Carpe Diem.
Now that I think about it everything is completely different. I think all of us have changed. It's more than that though, everything changes. We had to change because the world around us changed, and it continues to change. It's different and I think that's a good thing.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
We will never forget
I don't even remember the teacher's name. He ran into the room and turned on the t.v. I had no idea what was going on. I remember the chaos. Lots of questions. People crying. It was intense.
9:03...That's when the second plane hit. I am positive I saw it happen, it's a very strong memory. At the same time, we can create memories. Completely fabricate something to make it fit. Maybe I didn't see the second plane hit, but I feel like I did. Everything else is blurry, the pentagon, flight 93 but that memory is crisp. I can still see it.
I had a an extra ice cream bar at lunch. I figured if I was going to die then might as well enjoy my last day on earth. Yolo. We didn't know if the attacks were over or when they were going to end. I could have been dead by sundown.
Last period: we had a test. Mean teacher lady wouldn't let us watch the news. We could after we finished our test. I wasn't that upset. The news was scary and sad. Mostly sad.
We had a fundraiser the next day. Pay whatever you want to wear a hat. We raised $1100. That's what happens when everything changes, people band together. When life could crumble around you at any second, you latch onto the people around you. That's what America did. That's what we did.
Everything else is blurry and sad. Hate crimes, accusations, mystery terrorist. It's all a distant memory now. 11 years ago our lives changed forever. There was a sense of vulnerability that hadn't been experienced in a long time. I don't think I will ever forget those feelings, they will always be there.
9:03...That's when the second plane hit. I am positive I saw it happen, it's a very strong memory. At the same time, we can create memories. Completely fabricate something to make it fit. Maybe I didn't see the second plane hit, but I feel like I did. Everything else is blurry, the pentagon, flight 93 but that memory is crisp. I can still see it.
I had a an extra ice cream bar at lunch. I figured if I was going to die then might as well enjoy my last day on earth. Yolo. We didn't know if the attacks were over or when they were going to end. I could have been dead by sundown.
Last period: we had a test. Mean teacher lady wouldn't let us watch the news. We could after we finished our test. I wasn't that upset. The news was scary and sad. Mostly sad.
We had a fundraiser the next day. Pay whatever you want to wear a hat. We raised $1100. That's what happens when everything changes, people band together. When life could crumble around you at any second, you latch onto the people around you. That's what America did. That's what we did.
Everything else is blurry and sad. Hate crimes, accusations, mystery terrorist. It's all a distant memory now. 11 years ago our lives changed forever. There was a sense of vulnerability that hadn't been experienced in a long time. I don't think I will ever forget those feelings, they will always be there.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
We walked away
Sooo...I really like the letter format. If I am feeling down or especially "intense" about something, I am going to write a letter. I find it very therapeutic.
I was reading a friends blog post the other day and she mentioned something that is very relevant in my life. She said, "realize that people will walk in and out of your life multiple times." This letter is to no one in particular, don't read too much into it!
Hey,
For whatever reason we don't talk anymore, and it sucks. I don't know what happened and honestly I don't want to place blame. I just want to say that I miss you. We bring people into our lives for a reason, but we walked away. I enjoyed your company, I really did. I hope you enjoyed mine. I'd like to think I bring positive things to people's lives. There is this whole notion of "cosmic friendships," you know the ones. They go through the good and bad and still keep strong. Apparently that wasn't us.
I am terrible at keeping in touch. It's one of my biggest flaws. I was content to just let you leave. I didn't put in the effort to keep us together, but you didn't either. We could have done more, could have made an effort, could have at least tried. Could've, should've, would've...didn't.
My life is good right now. I am happy. I know right, weird. I hope yours is going well. I hope all of your dreams are coming true, and you are truly happy. I hope you don't dwell on the past like I do. Maybe I am just a distant memory, a remnant of time gone by. We had good times, lots of fun and you moved on. Don't get me wrong, I moved on too.
It's just...sometimes I like to revisit those memories. It seems brighter, happier. I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me. Times weren't always good. Maybe, someday I'll look back on today and it will seem brighter...happier.
Maybe I will see you someday. We'll make plans to get lunch or coffee, even though we both have no intentions of following through. It sucks that this is what we have come to. Awkward conversations and fake plans. That's life I suppose.
I really do wish you happiness.
Sincerely,
Brandon
I was reading a friends blog post the other day and she mentioned something that is very relevant in my life. She said, "realize that people will walk in and out of your life multiple times." This letter is to no one in particular, don't read too much into it!
Hey,
For whatever reason we don't talk anymore, and it sucks. I don't know what happened and honestly I don't want to place blame. I just want to say that I miss you. We bring people into our lives for a reason, but we walked away. I enjoyed your company, I really did. I hope you enjoyed mine. I'd like to think I bring positive things to people's lives. There is this whole notion of "cosmic friendships," you know the ones. They go through the good and bad and still keep strong. Apparently that wasn't us.
I am terrible at keeping in touch. It's one of my biggest flaws. I was content to just let you leave. I didn't put in the effort to keep us together, but you didn't either. We could have done more, could have made an effort, could have at least tried. Could've, should've, would've...didn't.
My life is good right now. I am happy. I know right, weird. I hope yours is going well. I hope all of your dreams are coming true, and you are truly happy. I hope you don't dwell on the past like I do. Maybe I am just a distant memory, a remnant of time gone by. We had good times, lots of fun and you moved on. Don't get me wrong, I moved on too.
It's just...sometimes I like to revisit those memories. It seems brighter, happier. I know that's just my mind playing tricks on me. Times weren't always good. Maybe, someday I'll look back on today and it will seem brighter...happier.
Maybe I will see you someday. We'll make plans to get lunch or coffee, even though we both have no intentions of following through. It sucks that this is what we have come to. Awkward conversations and fake plans. That's life I suppose.
I really do wish you happiness.
Sincerely,
Brandon
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