Friday, January 15, 2016

I want to be better

I'm pretty sure the only time I ever write on this thing is when I'm having some sort of emotional turmoil. Now, you are probably thinking, "Brandon, are you going through ANOTHER existential crisis?" To that say, when is that not happening? Like ... you wouldn't want to take a stroll in this big ol' head. It's not a happy place. I mean sometimes but not usually...

The topic of the day is Goals! I know I've touched on goals before and I'll probably touch on goals again. The reason I keep coming back to goals is because I never complete them! Contrary to popular belief, I cannot do anything I set my mind to. I'm completely worthless and thats okay, probably...

In all seriousness, I actually got a pretty decent amount of stuff accomplished last year. I finally learned to drive and I finally got my license. That was pretty cool. I tried dating. That didn't work out...I, uh, got a new laptop! That was cool. Yeah,, it was a good year.

There is so much I want to do and I just can't find the motivation to do it. I (once again) am so grateful for the people in my life. The truth is, without them I wouldn't ever do anything. I had to be dragged to the car place to buy a car. I threw a freakin' tantrum trying not to go to that place. I just don't make moves. A move maker I am not.

I think I have a fear that something will go wrong. That's some kind of law or something. Anything that can happen will happen (GOOGLE TIME: Murphy's Law!). Not winning the powerball, because I don't ever see that shit happening. I get frozen by the fact that something will go wrong. That's no way to live my life. This is the same reason dating didn't work out; I'm afraid something will happen. Good or bad.

I'm not going to post a list of goals, because we all know how that worked out. I'm just going to let you know that I am working on myself. I want to be better. I can only think of a handful of times that I have ever really been proud of myself. My biggest goal is to finally like who I am. I know I am capable.

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