Hello Everyone,
I'm sorry I don't update as much. I know you have all been waiting eagerly for my next amazing blog post, but I fear I must let you down. (please note the sarcasm, I'm extremely dull and not quite that douchey...yet) I really don't have anything to write about. I have been feeling a little angsty lately and I wasn't sure if I wanted to load my blog up with all of my emotional baggage. Then I realized that is the reason I made this blog. I wanted a place to keep my thoughts. I'm going to start a new segment called "ranty rant." I'm going to rant about what I'm feeling at the moment. I know what you are thinking, and this will probably be the same kind of over-the-top, sentimental crap I usually write. It might be long, so I completely understand if it doesn't get read. If you are into Degrassi/Disney Channel Original Movie, self-indulgent, melodrama then this is the post for you.
I have a lot of things I want to chat about. I'm not (contrary to other post) going to rant about how I am a terrible friend. People seem to accept me for who I am, and while it is weird, I know that some people like me. I am going to rant/chat about friendship in general. This topic comes up a lot with my various friend circles and it deserves a blog post.
Best Friend-
I'm starting to hate the term best friend. It's just like love, in that it is used to put a deeper meaning into a specific relationship. I'm claiming a few best friends at the moment. An old friend and I claim "best friends," we have been through a lot together and she even wants me to be in her wedding. I have a different "best friend" that I am also super close to, but we keep having friend drama.I have a best friend that I have known since I was in the 8th grade, she is someone that I can talk to at any time and she is always there to listen. I now have a new bffl and a new best friend. The problem with this whole situation is that they are all important to me in different capacities. I can't in good conscience use the term "best" because that signifies that there is only one. I would use the term "good friends," but most of my friends are good friends. I don't know why I feel the need to throw my friends into different categories. Shouldn't they all be equal? I like to have meaningful connections with all of my friends, so I'm not quite sure when they move into the "best friend" zone. Why do they have to? Friendship is fluid right? You can be super close to someone one day and then BAM you don't talk anymore. If you throw that label on your friendship, it doesn't make it any more solid. People have ex-best friends. Is losing a best friend more tragic than losing a regular friend? Shouldn't losing any friend feel awful, or is that just how I feel? This term over complicates something that shouldn't be that complicated. If your my friend then I care about you and you (hopefully) care about me. I may be closer to some, but it's all the same.
Trust-
Trust is weird. I used to be a very trusting individual and I would spill my guts to anyone who would listen. Now I think I've become more closed-off, more... secretive. I always tell people that I don't have any secrets, but everyone has secrets right? Everyone has something that they don't just tell anyone, right? It's hard to give something like that to someone, because if they slip then that's it. It's like giving your kryptonite to Lex Luthor, it'd be real (not fake) dumb. I have friends that really let me in to their lives and tell me things that are real and important, and I have friends who keep their thoughts locked up like Fort Knox. I feel closer to the people who let me in, because I value trust. I really find it amazing that someone trusts me with their kryptonite. Friendships are very important to me and I would never do anything to sabotage them, but I could and these people trust that I won't. I think there is something special in that. That's when I know a friendship is real, when I can tell them my secrets and they'll keep them. I won't tell them because I need to, I'll tell them because I want to.
Growing Apart-
I don't really know where I'm going with this one so bear with me. I've grown apart from a lot of friends in my life. Growing apart and choosing to stop communicating with someone are different things in my mind. I don't think I've actually cut off very many friends. Sometimes I don't try as hard as I should to keep in contact with some people, but I don't care about them any less. Life just happens, ya know. Life doesn't stop when people leave, even though sometimes it feels like it should. It physically hurts to think about it sometimes. You connect with these people and give them pieces of you. Then they are gone, or they are there but they might as well be gone. We are content to let important people walk out of our lives. The worst is when it can't be helped. No matter how hard you try, the spark, the thing that made you friends is just...gone. If you are lucky you can get it back, if you are lucky you can have a semblance of the friendship you used to have, if you're lucky the friendship never fades. Unfortunately most of us aren't that lucky and that sucks. I suppose part of being human is dealing with loss, separation, distance. I just wish it was easier sometimes.
Closing Thoughts-
Some of you may think I put too much stock in my friendship. I mean, people get married and then their friends fade into the distance, right? I don't believe in love, we've been over it. I love my family, but I don't know how people "fall" in love. I think I love some of my friends though. I think that feeling I get when I'm having a blast with my friends, when I'm sharing my life, when I'm being a total douchebag and they still like me afterword. That could be love. If that's love I could see why people chase after it. Why they spend their whole lives searching for it. Those moments with my friends are what I live for and I wouldn't want a life without them. That's why I cherish every friendship, because whether they are making me sad or happy they are making me something.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Love
Love! Love? Love...I might cause a little bit of controversy here. I don't think true love exist. People find it shocking when I tell them. I believe you can care very deeply for someone, but I don't know if love is real. I definitely don't believe in cosmic, out of this world, destined love. How can you be destined to be with one person, when there are seven billion people on the planet?
I thought I was in love once, I really did. I mean I told myself I was in love, because I thought this is what love is supposed to feel like. I cared about her. I wanted to be around her. I never wanted to hurt her. The problem was, I never had any intention of spending the rest of my life with her. I never wanted forever. She did and I was content with breaking her heart. That wasn't love, it can't be that easy to leave someone you "love."
People love their parents and people love their children. I love my family. That's different. They are apart of you and you can never be connected to anyone the way you are connected to them.You are apart of them and they are apart of you. It's supposed to be unconditional, but it isn't really. You could say it is, but that's not right. There is always a breaking point, always.
I guess I'm so jaded, so...bitter about the whole love concept because it's never been real to me. I think of love as a term people use to give deeper meaning to their relationships. I guess that's the definition of love, strong affection and personal attachment and whatnot. I care deeply about my family and friends and would be devastated if anything happened to any of them, but how does one go from just caring about someone to loving them? Because if loving someone is simply caring about them, then I love everyone.
I generally care about people...even strangers. I like to joke that I am some heartless asshole, but that's not really me. I just want the best for people, I just want them to be happy. Does that mean I love them? Everyone? I don't think so. Love is supposed to be something you earn, you "fall" into. That's why I don't believe in love, because I don't understand it. How can you care about everyone, but only love some people? Aren't they one-in-the-same? If I ever fall in love I guess I'll know. I guess I'll have some cosmic revelation/epiphany and I'll think "WOW! THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS!!!" I don't think that will happen. I'll just live life without love and that will be okay.
p.s. I didn't even write about greeting card companies, that would take up a whole blog post of its own.
I thought I was in love once, I really did. I mean I told myself I was in love, because I thought this is what love is supposed to feel like. I cared about her. I wanted to be around her. I never wanted to hurt her. The problem was, I never had any intention of spending the rest of my life with her. I never wanted forever. She did and I was content with breaking her heart. That wasn't love, it can't be that easy to leave someone you "love."
People love their parents and people love their children. I love my family. That's different. They are apart of you and you can never be connected to anyone the way you are connected to them.You are apart of them and they are apart of you. It's supposed to be unconditional, but it isn't really. You could say it is, but that's not right. There is always a breaking point, always.
I guess I'm so jaded, so...bitter about the whole love concept because it's never been real to me. I think of love as a term people use to give deeper meaning to their relationships. I guess that's the definition of love, strong affection and personal attachment and whatnot. I care deeply about my family and friends and would be devastated if anything happened to any of them, but how does one go from just caring about someone to loving them? Because if loving someone is simply caring about them, then I love everyone.
I generally care about people...even strangers. I like to joke that I am some heartless asshole, but that's not really me. I just want the best for people, I just want them to be happy. Does that mean I love them? Everyone? I don't think so. Love is supposed to be something you earn, you "fall" into. That's why I don't believe in love, because I don't understand it. How can you care about everyone, but only love some people? Aren't they one-in-the-same? If I ever fall in love I guess I'll know. I guess I'll have some cosmic revelation/epiphany and I'll think "WOW! THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS!!!" I don't think that will happen. I'll just live life without love and that will be okay.
p.s. I didn't even write about greeting card companies, that would take up a whole blog post of its own.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Goal Post!-Disney
Readers!
Long time no see?...no read?...long time no....whatever. It's been a while. I was struggling with content ideas so I have kind of been neglecting this blog. I think I'm going to start doing "segments" sometimes, which will add a little structure to my blog. I have been focusing on negativity for a while, which makes for a good read I guess, but I just thought of a new "segment" I'm gonna try to write about regularly. It's called goal post and it's about (drum roll please) Goals!
This blog is no stranger to goals. I posted a list of things to do over the summer and I also posted a soda challenge that didn't end so well. But now I going to update my progress (or lackthereof) for the world to see. I hope this helps with my motivation to accomplish these goals and can keep me on track with blog updates. It's like killing two birds with one stone. It should happen e'rry Monday, but who knows (commitment isn't really my thing).
My newest goal is Disney. My friends and I are planning a trip to Disney for Spring Break. It should be loads of fun, but there is a lot of work to be done if it is going to happen. That's why I created goal post, as a way to keep myself accountable and a place to write my "attainable" goals.
That's it for now. I'll keep the bloggy blog updated so if you want to know how I'm doing, check back here every week or so. Have a happy Monday!
Long time no see?...no read?...long time no....whatever. It's been a while. I was struggling with content ideas so I have kind of been neglecting this blog. I think I'm going to start doing "segments" sometimes, which will add a little structure to my blog. I have been focusing on negativity for a while, which makes for a good read I guess, but I just thought of a new "segment" I'm gonna try to write about regularly. It's called goal post and it's about (drum roll please) Goals!
This blog is no stranger to goals. I posted a list of things to do over the summer and I also posted a soda challenge that didn't end so well. But now I going to update my progress (or lackthereof) for the world to see. I hope this helps with my motivation to accomplish these goals and can keep me on track with blog updates. It's like killing two birds with one stone. It should happen e'rry Monday, but who knows (commitment isn't really my thing).
My newest goal is Disney. My friends and I are planning a trip to Disney for Spring Break. It should be loads of fun, but there is a lot of work to be done if it is going to happen. That's why I created goal post, as a way to keep myself accountable and a place to write my "attainable" goals.
Goals:
- Save $1500
- Lose 20 pounds
- Get my GPA up
That's it for now. I'll keep the bloggy blog updated so if you want to know how I'm doing, check back here every week or so. Have a happy Monday!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Bad Friend
I talk about failure a lot, it's kind of becoming my thing. My last post about failure was generalized because sometimes I lose focus. I am going to focus now on one thing I am really terrible at, being a good friend.
I used to pride myself on being a good friend, I'm loyal and protective. If I considered someone my friend I would do anything to make sure they were happy, make sure they were okay. I would ask thirty times if they were okay and wouldn't care if I was being annoying. Now I'm different, I'm cold and bitter.
I fight with people...a lot. I don't care if people are angry with me. I thought this was a good thing, and even felt proud that I finally stopped caring. I didn't know that when you stop caring you hurt the people around you. This new selfish approach, this me-first attitude, is me now. I don't know what happened to me but I don't really like it.
The worst part is the drifting. I am content to just let people mozy out of my life willy-nilly. I don't even try to stop them anymore. It's different when you are in different parts of the state or even in different states, but some of these people live within walking distance. I could see them anytime I want but I don't. We are completely connected to each other by things like Facebook, Twitter and text messaging but they could be dead for all I know.
I've hopped on to new friends, a new life. Some of the old ones have stayed around with no help from me of course. I always say things like "we should hang out more" or "it's not my fault," but it is. I'm not trying hard enough. I can feel them slipping away and I haven't done anything to stop it. I feel so out of place sometimes. I don't know the inside jokes anymore. I wasn't there when the stories happened. I missed out. The worst feeling is when you feel disconnected with old friends. That's my life, disconnecting and moving on.
That's not what I want. I miss people and I want them to be around. I'm just not enough to do anything about it. I can barely hold myself together, let alone intense and complicated friendships. I guess it comes down to strength and will power. I used to thing I was a strong individual and I could do anything. I don't think that's true anymore.
I used to pride myself on being a good friend, I'm loyal and protective. If I considered someone my friend I would do anything to make sure they were happy, make sure they were okay. I would ask thirty times if they were okay and wouldn't care if I was being annoying. Now I'm different, I'm cold and bitter.
I fight with people...a lot. I don't care if people are angry with me. I thought this was a good thing, and even felt proud that I finally stopped caring. I didn't know that when you stop caring you hurt the people around you. This new selfish approach, this me-first attitude, is me now. I don't know what happened to me but I don't really like it.
The worst part is the drifting. I am content to just let people mozy out of my life willy-nilly. I don't even try to stop them anymore. It's different when you are in different parts of the state or even in different states, but some of these people live within walking distance. I could see them anytime I want but I don't. We are completely connected to each other by things like Facebook, Twitter and text messaging but they could be dead for all I know.
I've hopped on to new friends, a new life. Some of the old ones have stayed around with no help from me of course. I always say things like "we should hang out more" or "it's not my fault," but it is. I'm not trying hard enough. I can feel them slipping away and I haven't done anything to stop it. I feel so out of place sometimes. I don't know the inside jokes anymore. I wasn't there when the stories happened. I missed out. The worst feeling is when you feel disconnected with old friends. That's my life, disconnecting and moving on.
That's not what I want. I miss people and I want them to be around. I'm just not enough to do anything about it. I can barely hold myself together, let alone intense and complicated friendships. I guess it comes down to strength and will power. I used to thing I was a strong individual and I could do anything. I don't think that's true anymore.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Life in Review: Thursday Sep, 27 to Sunday Sep. 30
Hey Guys,
It's been awhile and I just wanted to blog a little bit about my life. I want to start with Thursday because that's when things hit overdrive, and I never really took the time to process what happened. I kind of wish I could forget some of it.
Thursday September 27, 2012
Thursday was a pretty good day for a while, I don't really remember too much about it. I was really busy preparing for the conference and didn't really have time for much. Then I got a message that read:
Hey, so uhh haven't heard from you in a while, and well we're supposed to be trying to be friends, we're supposed to be best friends...I don't think that's true anymore...I think it's worse this year than it was last year.
I want to start by saying that I personally value every friendship I have. I try my hardest to keep them around, people grow apart...it sucks. This friend is an exception. I made a promise that I wouldn't let us grow apart. I told them that I was tired of people walking out of my life and that I wasn't going to let that happen. That conversation happened a very long time ago and I still remember it vividly. I could throw around blame and say it's a two way street, but this friend has been generally making an effort to hang out with me and I failed them big time.
It's hard to realize that you are the one making the mistakes in a friendship. I am no stranger to breaking promises, but this one is different. I try very hard to be a loyal and caring friend and I let this one get away from me. I have let a lot of friendships slip away, but I made a promise. I'm not there for a friend that I generally think needs me. I'm going to try very hard to make things right, but I think it might be too late.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Friday was the day before the conference and I was a complete mess. I usually don't stress about things but I was stressing on Friday. I honestly don't know what was wrong because I had most of my stuff done. I even won a nook at some point, it should have been a great day. Sometimes the weight of the world falls on your shoulders. Every unhappy moment from this semester was on my mind that day. All the arguments,the guilt, the sadness. It was all there. It was like last semester all over again. I just wanted to crawl into my bed and stay there forever. I had friends that were going through a tough time as well. I had one friend that was looking out for me though, she made me feel better and helped me finish what I needed to do. Thanks to Ashley Biedakiewicz for helping me out, I really needed it (and sorry I almost broke down in your car).
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Saturday was the conference day and it went really well. I was really happy and energized. It was so weird because normally I'm terrified but everything went great. It's good to know that I can accomplish things on my own and if I do fail, I have amazing friends that are there to pick up the slack. I have an amazing exec. board and some pretty great friends. It would have been hard to experience something that we couldn't handle.
We went to Fairmount that night for their Dean Days Festival. I was exhausted and so were the people I went with. We had all had a very busy day at the conference and just wanted to have some good small town fun. I discovered that Fairmount is kind of creepy, in a good way. It had the small town feel that I am used to and weirdly felt like home. We didn't get to the funnel cake place in time (sad day), but my friend Kim and I split an elephant ear. I generally don't like them but it was delicious! We saw some old cars and got a tour of the town. There was a sketchy atm and really aggressive carnies. It was a good time.
The interesting part was when we got locked out of Brittany's car. We eventually got in but it was adventure getting to that point. There were police involved, it was intense (it wasn't really intense, i'm just dramatic). Then we had to tie a door closed because there was a problem with the door. We had a good time and made memories that I don't think any of us will forget.
Sunday September 30, 2012
Not much happened Sunday. Brittany's mom made us this really huge breakfast. You don't know how much you miss home cooked meals until you haven't had it in a while. There was also an adorable dog and an adorable toddler. It was a very fun morning and then we drove home. I think we round tabled that night and had a good time.
It was an interesting end of the week that's for sure. The rest of the week has literally just gone downhill. Maybe I'll talk about that in my next post. I'm having a really hard time keeping the people in my life happy. Somewhere along the lines I stopped caring if people were mad at me. I went from trying my hardest to keep people happy to pissing someone off on a daily basis. I'm glad I have somewhere to share my thoughts and feelings because sometimes I just want to write them down. Sometimes I just need to feel like someone's listening.
It's been awhile and I just wanted to blog a little bit about my life. I want to start with Thursday because that's when things hit overdrive, and I never really took the time to process what happened. I kind of wish I could forget some of it.
Thursday September 27, 2012
Thursday was a pretty good day for a while, I don't really remember too much about it. I was really busy preparing for the conference and didn't really have time for much. Then I got a message that read:
Hey, so uhh haven't heard from you in a while, and well we're supposed to be trying to be friends, we're supposed to be best friends...I don't think that's true anymore...I think it's worse this year than it was last year.
I want to start by saying that I personally value every friendship I have. I try my hardest to keep them around, people grow apart...it sucks. This friend is an exception. I made a promise that I wouldn't let us grow apart. I told them that I was tired of people walking out of my life and that I wasn't going to let that happen. That conversation happened a very long time ago and I still remember it vividly. I could throw around blame and say it's a two way street, but this friend has been generally making an effort to hang out with me and I failed them big time.
It's hard to realize that you are the one making the mistakes in a friendship. I am no stranger to breaking promises, but this one is different. I try very hard to be a loyal and caring friend and I let this one get away from me. I have let a lot of friendships slip away, but I made a promise. I'm not there for a friend that I generally think needs me. I'm going to try very hard to make things right, but I think it might be too late.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Friday was the day before the conference and I was a complete mess. I usually don't stress about things but I was stressing on Friday. I honestly don't know what was wrong because I had most of my stuff done. I even won a nook at some point, it should have been a great day. Sometimes the weight of the world falls on your shoulders. Every unhappy moment from this semester was on my mind that day. All the arguments,the guilt, the sadness. It was all there. It was like last semester all over again. I just wanted to crawl into my bed and stay there forever. I had friends that were going through a tough time as well. I had one friend that was looking out for me though, she made me feel better and helped me finish what I needed to do. Thanks to Ashley Biedakiewicz for helping me out, I really needed it (and sorry I almost broke down in your car).
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Saturday was the conference day and it went really well. I was really happy and energized. It was so weird because normally I'm terrified but everything went great. It's good to know that I can accomplish things on my own and if I do fail, I have amazing friends that are there to pick up the slack. I have an amazing exec. board and some pretty great friends. It would have been hard to experience something that we couldn't handle.
We went to Fairmount that night for their Dean Days Festival. I was exhausted and so were the people I went with. We had all had a very busy day at the conference and just wanted to have some good small town fun. I discovered that Fairmount is kind of creepy, in a good way. It had the small town feel that I am used to and weirdly felt like home. We didn't get to the funnel cake place in time (sad day), but my friend Kim and I split an elephant ear. I generally don't like them but it was delicious! We saw some old cars and got a tour of the town. There was a sketchy atm and really aggressive carnies. It was a good time.
The interesting part was when we got locked out of Brittany's car. We eventually got in but it was adventure getting to that point. There were police involved, it was intense (it wasn't really intense, i'm just dramatic). Then we had to tie a door closed because there was a problem with the door. We had a good time and made memories that I don't think any of us will forget.
Sunday September 30, 2012
Not much happened Sunday. Brittany's mom made us this really huge breakfast. You don't know how much you miss home cooked meals until you haven't had it in a while. There was also an adorable dog and an adorable toddler. It was a very fun morning and then we drove home. I think we round tabled that night and had a good time.
It was an interesting end of the week that's for sure. The rest of the week has literally just gone downhill. Maybe I'll talk about that in my next post. I'm having a really hard time keeping the people in my life happy. Somewhere along the lines I stopped caring if people were mad at me. I went from trying my hardest to keep people happy to pissing someone off on a daily basis. I'm glad I have somewhere to share my thoughts and feelings because sometimes I just want to write them down. Sometimes I just need to feel like someone's listening.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The world around us changed
Hey Guys,
This blog is going to be a stream of consciousness type thing. I haven't really blogged in a while and I just need to write. I'm at the desk and I am going to write what I think, write what I feel.
I'm not stressed. I should be but I'm not. Things aren't perfect right now, but they are good. People get mad at me, which is...new? People got mad at me before, but now they get really mad at me. I offend people pretty regularly. I don't think I have changed. I don't know if other people have changed. Everything seems exactly the same, but somehow completely different. Don't get me wrong, I love my people. I wouldn't trade them. It's just...sometimes I miss people who are in the same room as me, which is weird.
The new people in my life are pretty great. It hasn't been like this in a long time. I somehow managed to keep my old friends and met a whole bunch of new people. I have learned from past experiences that friend groups like this don't last, but I'm holding out. I don't know why we chose to meet in a random lounge and call it round table. I don't know why it stuck. I definitely don't know if it will last. What I do know is that it's what I needed, and I think other people needed it too. That's got to mean something right?
I have a lot of stressful situations coming up in life. I could let it scare me, could let it make me nervous, could let it wreck me...but I won't. There's too much promise in life to get that wound up about things. I don't want to sound cheesy, but I'm trying to live in the moment. I don't want to care about the trivial things, I just want to be happy. I am happy, and I am going to do everything in my power to keep it that way. Yolo, C'est la vie, Carpe Diem.
Now that I think about it everything is completely different. I think all of us have changed. It's more than that though, everything changes. We had to change because the world around us changed, and it continues to change. It's different and I think that's a good thing.
This blog is going to be a stream of consciousness type thing. I haven't really blogged in a while and I just need to write. I'm at the desk and I am going to write what I think, write what I feel.
I'm not stressed. I should be but I'm not. Things aren't perfect right now, but they are good. People get mad at me, which is...new? People got mad at me before, but now they get really mad at me. I offend people pretty regularly. I don't think I have changed. I don't know if other people have changed. Everything seems exactly the same, but somehow completely different. Don't get me wrong, I love my people. I wouldn't trade them. It's just...sometimes I miss people who are in the same room as me, which is weird.
The new people in my life are pretty great. It hasn't been like this in a long time. I somehow managed to keep my old friends and met a whole bunch of new people. I have learned from past experiences that friend groups like this don't last, but I'm holding out. I don't know why we chose to meet in a random lounge and call it round table. I don't know why it stuck. I definitely don't know if it will last. What I do know is that it's what I needed, and I think other people needed it too. That's got to mean something right?
I have a lot of stressful situations coming up in life. I could let it scare me, could let it make me nervous, could let it wreck me...but I won't. There's too much promise in life to get that wound up about things. I don't want to sound cheesy, but I'm trying to live in the moment. I don't want to care about the trivial things, I just want to be happy. I am happy, and I am going to do everything in my power to keep it that way. Yolo, C'est la vie, Carpe Diem.
Now that I think about it everything is completely different. I think all of us have changed. It's more than that though, everything changes. We had to change because the world around us changed, and it continues to change. It's different and I think that's a good thing.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
We will never forget
I don't even remember the teacher's name. He ran into the room and turned on the t.v. I had no idea what was going on. I remember the chaos. Lots of questions. People crying. It was intense.
9:03...That's when the second plane hit. I am positive I saw it happen, it's a very strong memory. At the same time, we can create memories. Completely fabricate something to make it fit. Maybe I didn't see the second plane hit, but I feel like I did. Everything else is blurry, the pentagon, flight 93 but that memory is crisp. I can still see it.
I had a an extra ice cream bar at lunch. I figured if I was going to die then might as well enjoy my last day on earth. Yolo. We didn't know if the attacks were over or when they were going to end. I could have been dead by sundown.
Last period: we had a test. Mean teacher lady wouldn't let us watch the news. We could after we finished our test. I wasn't that upset. The news was scary and sad. Mostly sad.
We had a fundraiser the next day. Pay whatever you want to wear a hat. We raised $1100. That's what happens when everything changes, people band together. When life could crumble around you at any second, you latch onto the people around you. That's what America did. That's what we did.
Everything else is blurry and sad. Hate crimes, accusations, mystery terrorist. It's all a distant memory now. 11 years ago our lives changed forever. There was a sense of vulnerability that hadn't been experienced in a long time. I don't think I will ever forget those feelings, they will always be there.
9:03...That's when the second plane hit. I am positive I saw it happen, it's a very strong memory. At the same time, we can create memories. Completely fabricate something to make it fit. Maybe I didn't see the second plane hit, but I feel like I did. Everything else is blurry, the pentagon, flight 93 but that memory is crisp. I can still see it.
I had a an extra ice cream bar at lunch. I figured if I was going to die then might as well enjoy my last day on earth. Yolo. We didn't know if the attacks were over or when they were going to end. I could have been dead by sundown.
Last period: we had a test. Mean teacher lady wouldn't let us watch the news. We could after we finished our test. I wasn't that upset. The news was scary and sad. Mostly sad.
We had a fundraiser the next day. Pay whatever you want to wear a hat. We raised $1100. That's what happens when everything changes, people band together. When life could crumble around you at any second, you latch onto the people around you. That's what America did. That's what we did.
Everything else is blurry and sad. Hate crimes, accusations, mystery terrorist. It's all a distant memory now. 11 years ago our lives changed forever. There was a sense of vulnerability that hadn't been experienced in a long time. I don't think I will ever forget those feelings, they will always be there.
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