Love

Love! Love? Love...I might cause a little bit of controversy here. I don't think true love exist. People find it shocking when I tell them. I believe you can care very deeply for someone, but I don't know if love is real.  I definitely don't believe in cosmic, out of this world, destined love. How can you be destined to be with one person, when there are seven billion people on the planet?

I thought I was in love once, I really did. I mean I told myself I was in love, because I thought this is what love is supposed to feel like. I cared about her. I wanted to be around her. I never wanted to hurt her.  The problem was, I never had any intention of spending the rest of my life with her. I never wanted forever. She did and I was content with breaking her heart. That wasn't love, it can't be that easy to leave someone you "love."

People love their parents and people love their children. I love my family. That's different. They are apart of you and you can never be connected to anyone the way you are connected to them.You are apart of them and they are apart of you. It's supposed to be unconditional, but it isn't really. You could say it is, but that's not right. There is always a breaking point, always.

I guess I'm so jaded, so...bitter about the whole love concept because it's never been real to me. I think of love as a term people use to give deeper meaning to their relationships. I guess that's the definition of love, strong affection and personal attachment and whatnot. I care deeply about my family and friends and would be devastated if anything happened to any of them, but how does one go from just caring about someone to loving them? Because if loving someone is simply caring about them, then I love everyone.

I generally care about people...even strangers. I like to joke that I am some heartless asshole, but that's not really me. I just want the best for people, I just want them to be happy. Does that mean I love them? Everyone? I don't think so. Love is supposed to be something you earn, you "fall" into.  That's why I don't believe in love, because I don't understand it. How can you care about everyone, but only love some people? Aren't they one-in-the-same? If I ever fall in love I guess I'll know. I guess I'll have some cosmic revelation/epiphany and I'll think "WOW! THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS!!!" I don't think that will happen. I'll just live life without love and that will be okay.

p.s. I didn't even write about greeting card companies, that would take up a whole blog post of its own.